![]() ![]() Say something like, “I know you’re having such a hard time with this,” or “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much.”Īlso affirm that you hear what they’re saying by saying it back to them in your own words. So to start off comforting someone, simply describe what you’re seeing/sensing. Gottman calls this “witnessing” your loved one’s distress. The thing people want most when they’re hurting is for you to act as a sounding board and to show understanding and empathy. Fortunately, most of the time people aren’t actually looking for you to offer specific advice or pearls of wisdom the most comforting thing in the world isn’t an inspiring platitude, but feeling like someone else gets what you’re going through, and that you’re not alone in the world. One of the most difficult things about trying to comfort someone who’s hurting is feeling like you don’t know what to say. Today I’ll share his advice, as well as the tips I’ve gleaned from personal experience, on how to comfort someone who’s sad, so you can help them in their time of need and be a better son, friend, and husband/boyfriend. John Gottman, a professor of psychology and arguably the foremost relationship expert in the country. Fortunately, I recently came across some great tips from Dr. I held off on doing so, because while I thought I did a pretty good job in this area myself, I wanted to see if there was real research out there concerning best practices. I know a lot of guys out there struggle with this scenario, because I’ve gotten more requests to cover this topic than any other. A lot of us end up sitting there uncomfortably, offering some awkward back pats, while saying, “There, there, it’s okay.” Interacting with someone who’s sad and hurting can be awkward you want to be there for them, show your empathy, and strengthen your relationship, but it’s hard to know how to act and what to say. Or your usually stoic buddy broke down about his girlfriend dumping him. Or your mom lost it while reminiscing about your deceased dad. Maybe your wife had a brutal day at work and fell apart when she came through the door. Have you ever had someone come to you crying? This article was originally published in May 2016. With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we’ve decided to republish a classic piece each Sunday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past.
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